Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
