Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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