I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the condom got lost in my hair
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
