the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
