I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
