It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
