Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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