vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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