I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
