oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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