Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
