I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
