dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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