I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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