She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
