i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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