remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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