i wish my penis had a tongue
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
