I just cut my nipple shaving
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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