What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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