All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize