I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
