I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
