Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
