Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
