Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
