Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize