If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
NoShamevember. You game?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
