Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
