I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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