I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
accomplished twins. life is a go
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
