3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
