Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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