Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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