I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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