i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
