No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
