i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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