this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize