she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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