He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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