Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize