I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
