Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was CRYING into my vagina
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
