If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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