I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
