I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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