my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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