the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
