Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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