I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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