Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
