how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
