you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
