I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
