I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
