the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
