Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize