She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
