Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
