Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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