yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
