Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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