you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
