We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
