she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
