I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
