She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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