Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
