I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
