hotel room ftw
i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said her name was "party"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
