Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
