so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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