Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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