I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
