we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
