I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
