a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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