I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
