How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
