Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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