That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
